Week 5 Point Totals

Here's the point rundown:

Survivor: The episode kicked off with Brandon crying (20) about what Mikayla said at Tribal Council. What a big meanie for saying that he was a Hantz and making him cry sad, sad man tears (10). Elyse, Dawn, Whitney and Coach all netted 5 points for uttering "alliance", with the latter also nabbing the hidden immunity idol (25). And finally, Stacey not only delivered the most hilarious stream of conciousness speak at Redemption Island I've ever witnessed (having a one-sided argument with Coach--oops, sorry, Benjamin--in the process (5)) but also generalized that since the members of Coach's alliance were young, they were natural followers (5).

America's Next Top Model: Very few points this week in what was, otherwise, a pretty hilarious episode. Kayla's obvious eating disorder made a guest appearance while she tried to quell dizziness with too many pills and puked it all up (10). And Camille was sent home, but not before she was called "pretty but not a model" twice (10).

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: The Housewives served up the first of a two-part game night episode in which the ladies pretend to eat and enjoy board games at the ever-desperate Dana's house. She nabbed 10 points by mentioning the Hilton family name during a game of celebrity, as did both Kyle and Kim. Kyle also compared her wealth to that of her hostess (10) and engaged in a verbal argument over whether her sister was really getting high during her frequent trips to the bathroom (5). For her part, Kim was totally intoxicated on something, and I'm guessing it wasn't the coffee that she was drinking (10). So intoxicated, in fact, that she argued (5) without uttering discernible sentences and cried (5).

Biggest Loser: Speaking of water works, The Biggest Loser was reliable as ever in that category. Ramon and Vinny only choked up once each (20), but Antone continued his floodgate opening by crying three times (60), once after being yelled at by Bob (10). Also suffering from the attack were Jennifer (10), who managed to only cry once (10), and John (10), who proved that boys are bigger babies with three cries (60). But the real sad face goes to Sunny (what a joke of a name, amirite?!), who cried a whopping five times this episode (25).

The Real World: Remember when I said that Frank was the best draft pick possible? Well, here's why: After getting drunk at the gay club (6) he brought a dude home and kissed him three times (30) and had sex with him in his bed, the hot tub and the shower (75). After his roommates yelled at him for leaving a used condom in the shower (10) and slept in a hammock outside rather than bunking in the same room as him, he decided to get more wasted than I've seen anyone on television in a while (10), arguing with his roomie Nate (5) engaging him physically twice (50) and punching or destroying no less than nine objects (90) before curling up into a fetal position (15) and telling his roommates that he was going to leave (15). Oh, and he also cries three times (60). That made all of his roommates' efforts look like small potatoes. Certainly Nate arguing (5), fighting twice (50), getting piss ass drunk himself (9), and engaging in a little nookie himself (25). Which all looks pretty pathetic until you check out Zach, who's finally on the board with a measly 10 points from questioning Frank's cleanliness, Priscilla got cried twice for 10 points, or Sam with her 10 girl-on-girl kissing points.