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Smellin Pooper
Showing posts with label fall Points. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fall Points. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Week 8 Point Totals
Survivor: Making moves, nerd! After the tribes merged Ozzy sent Cochran over to Coach's tribe to root out info from the enemy. Too bad he got spoiled on all of the not-constantly-insulting-him and respectfully-speaking-to-him-like-an-equal nonsense. Given that once one of the tribe gets picked off he'll be at the bottom of the pack anyway, he decided to turn coat and vote Keith onto Redemption Island. Hooray! In between there was much talk of alliances (15 for Cochran) and a little crying on the part of Dawn (15) when she realized that allowing her tribe's abusive treatment of Cochran all these weeks was nothing short of un-Christian-like.
Real World: Frank has a boyfriend, y'all! They've known each other for all of two days but Frank is in lurve and he's showing it by kissing that boy all over the place (80). Zach and Ashley are grossed out because they are bigots. I am grossed out because it means that Jen just got 80 points. Get it in, Frank, just don't let it count toward my losing this game. All in all though, it was a pretty decent episode. Sam cried a few times at Pride (10), got drunk at the clurb (6) and made out with some tattooed chick (10). Nate launched his charity but still found time to get piss drunk three times for the following score totals: (6) (10) (7). That boy might have a problem.
Biggest Loser: It was an emotional week for the bigguns as they formed new teams. No one wanted to be on Anna's team since she's been doing less than stellar work with the olds but Ramon ended up there, complained, got over it, lost a bunch of weight and then saw "the love of his life" Jessica get sent home. Then he cried (20). John (20) and Sunny (5) also cried, but really, when don't they. Antone got his ass reamed in the gym, getting yelled at by Bob a whole lots (30) and breaking down into exercise tears (20) but dude lost like 17 pounds so I bet he's OK with it.
ANTM: Remember a couple cycles back when Tyra decided she was going to launch a music career and she made the models be her backup dancers. It was awful: The dancing, the music, Tyra and, ultimately, her music career. Well, she's decided that it might be a good idea to let some other tall thin people embarrass themselves by forcing the ladies to write and sing a song, then film a video for it so that it can go viral. Lisa, a "dance music artist" for years, won the song writing challenge by rapping to a music executive and got to see her fiance! He looks pretty normal but she insisted upon wearing sunglasses in their confessional which leads me to believe that he totally brought her some coke or pills or something. At any rate, they totally kissed (5) and did it (25). That's right. DID IT. In less happy news Allison had a hard time with the songwriting challenge, finally deciding to write about her recently deceased father. Then came the bomb that she had to incorporate "Pot Ledom" into the lyrics (Top Model backwards, don't you know?) and she sort of turned into an emotional mess (15). It's OK though, guys, Game fell in love with her at the video shoot. He did not, however, fall in love with Alexandria. He called her the Tin Man and sent her packing. Tears for you, Alexandria (5).
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: When my friends get engaged we go to a bar and take shots. When Lisa Vanderpump's daughter Pandora (that is her real name) gets engaged she has a party in a mansion with camels and secret sex rooms and mermaid women and contortionists and guests who call their husbands Daddy. You know, like you do. Lisa held court over the extravagant party (10), dressed Giggy up (10) and cried for good measure (5). In other storylines Kyle's mother-in-law got a face lift and made me never, ever want to get plastic surgery. Kyle cried (10). Taylor and Russell had a tense ass conversation about a tabloid story about their marriage. Russell thought that Lisa told the story to her pal at the glossy. Taylor cried (5). Kim has a disgusting new boyfriend and continues to gross me out. She kissed him (5) and the producers felt the need to add extra slurping noises (15). Ick.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Week 7 Point Totals
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: After a few weeks of drama due to the Board Game Night From Hell, the ladies are due for some R&R. And what better way to relax than to hire three waiters, four masseuses, an electrolosis machine operator, a facialist and employ more than $300,000 worth of beautification equiptment? In your own home. That's what Lisa did, then invited the other ladies over to enjoy. Needless to say, it was less than relaxing. All of the extravagence caused Kyle to compare her wealth to Adrienne's (10), and Brandi's presense made her argue about the game night (5) and make poor Brandi cry (10). Amazingly enough, Brandi argued (5) and cried twice (10), all without moving her forehead once (10). And I thought Lisa dressing Giggy in clothes at every turn (5) was otherworldly.
Survivor: Big moves were made on the island last week. First Mikayla was defeated by Christine at Redemption Island, shedding a tear as she left (5). Then Ozzy got over his tantrum about Elise being voted out long enough to tell Cochran that he was going to throw himself to the wolves on Redemption Island, hoping to emerge the victor and have his tribe up numbers at the merge. Then Cochran totally blew the challenge, making himself (20) and Dawn (5) cry like babies and Ozzy punch a wall twice (20). After much talk of alliances, the merge and proving oneself (Keith said it once for 5 points), Ozzy had a dream about winning Redemption Island and volunteered himself. What an idiot.
The Biggest Loser: This week the contestants were giving the chance to save everyone on the ranch by losing 100 lbs. collectively. Well, that didn't go so well. I think they hit 40, maybe. Cry count: John (20), Jennifer (20), Ramon (20), Antone (20), Vinny (20), Sunny (10). Jennifer was also a huge baby about having to train with people other than Bob, causing her to get into an argument with Vinny (5 each) and tell people that she wasn't there to make friends (5). Well, after this episode she wasn't there at all. Antone did get to work with Bob though, and even got yelled at by him (15). He also told the crew that he needed to be there (5). But the big story this week was Ramon hooking up with a lady love on campus and netting 10 kissing points.
America's Next Top Model: This show continues to drudge on not doing much of anything. Bianca and Alexandia argued about god knows what (5 points each), and the pair both cried (Bianca twice for 10 and Alex once for 5). That was about all that happened.
The Real World: Look, this week was a comparatively dull one for this crazy ass show. Zach and Ashley were personality-less bigots, but the rest of the house kept their cool most of the time. I would have freaked the fuck out. First, Sam cried when she found out that her friend had gotten into a terrible car accident (5). Then she argued with Zach after he told her that he would "beat the gay out of her." (5 points each. She later cried over it (5) and had a one-sided argument with Frank over what to do about the situation (5). I would have cut the rest of his awful eyebrows off if I were them.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Week 6 Point Totals
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: With the conclusion of the Board Game Night from Hell, the ladies finally decided to wrack up some points. Brandi continued her verbal argument (5) with Kim (5) and Kyle (5), though it was mostly Brandi and Kyle, both of which expressed their anger with nary a inch on their foreheads moving (10 points each). Kyle told Brandi that she ought to get some class (10), to which Brandi responded that everyone there hated her (5). The final straw was Brandi starting to cry (5) after Kyle delivered the final blow by criticizing her parenting skills (10). This was all too much for poor, weak Taylor, who pleaded with the girls to stop fighting before bursting into tears (5). Later, Camille cried because her mother has cancer (5), making everyone else look like a big pile of idiots.
Survivor: Over on Survivor there were a lot of big game moves made (Ozzy is on the outs with his tribe! Mikayla gets voted out! Cochran is finally a game player!), but unfortunately none of that resulted in many points. The "alliance" parade continued, passing the lips of Mikayla, Christine and Cochran once (5 each) and Keith and Ozzy twice (10 each), but that was about it.
America's Next Top Model: Remember when we all thought that an All-Star cycle would provide more drama than ever? Boy, were we wrong. The sole points to come out of this week's episode were delivered by Angelea, who upon receiving the accusation that she was a pretty girl but not a model (5) cried not once, but twice (10). I just, I thought there would be so much more weave pulling.
The Biggest Loser: As the men steel themselves for the long training road ahead, we're seeing much less crying. Only Ramon (40) cried twice, and John (20), Antone (20) and Vinny (20) once. Boo! But the ladies turned up much more whiney performances. Jennifer cried three times when she realized that she was a terribly unlikeable person. But it was Sunny who grabbed up all the points this week, taking Bob home with her to Texas where he screamed at her a whopping seven times (35), made her cry twice (10) and finally broke her to the point of her saying that she "needed to be here" (5).
The Real World: Frank finally broke his reign of terror this week, only having one verbal altercation (5) and one same-sex kiss (10). Priscilla was the one that he had the tiff with after a haircut gone bad (5), and she also cried happy tears (5) that she and her mother had the kind of close relationship where they tell each other about their sex lives and hug hips-to-hip while gazing into one another's eyes. Gross. Alex's boo Byron came to visit, finally garnering her some points after all this time. The couple had two arguments (10), resulting in her crying twice (10). But they kissed three times (15), so she felt OK about the relationship by the time he left. However, this week was really the Nate show. He ate some raw fish while on a boat on the ocean, puking twice (40), then he got piss ass drunk not once, but twice (20), and cried (40) about the five suicides that he's "witnessed". (Somehow I don't think he was actually there for his Great Uncles' passings.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Week 3 Fall Point Totals
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Brandi Glanville was introduced this episode, and as we've seen in previews, her presence is going to earn a lot of people a lot of points. Just not this episode. The only person who did drum up any kind of response on the scoreboard was Kyle, who mentioned her charity work (10), threw an extravagant party (10)--even if it was in the back of a mall--compared her wealth to another cast member's (10), and mentioned the Hilton name by referencing niece Paris' perfume (10).
The Biggest Loser: What a house full of cry babies, amirite? This week we got our first food challenge binge. The culprit was mini donuts, and at 30 calories a piece contestants might have gotten away with competing without totally going overboard. Except that John took the opportunity to eat upwards of 1,300 calories worth. That's a whole lotta binge (5). Lucky for Team We Need to Be Here, he cried about it. Twice. (40) Ramon also eeked out a few tears (20), as did Antone (20), who has turned into a veritable crying machine. He's so unstable, in fact, that he took out his emotion after being yelled at by Bob (5) on a poor stationary bike, shaking it so hard that he fell off of it (25) and crashed into poor Sunny, causing her to fall off of her own bike (25). Gosh, Sunny. Maybe that's why you cried twice (10).
Survivor: The island of misfit toys is still providing a steady stream of points from saying the word alliance Ozzy, Keith and Brandon said it once (5 points each)--Brandon while he yelled at Mikayla that she didn't "have much of an alliance at all," basically outing his own. That made Coach (part of the aforementioned alliance) to get all paranoid and say the word twice (10). Before making his trip to Redemption Island, and after running through the jungle in his underwear like a crazed 4-year-old, Papa Bear got into an argument with seemingly everyone at tribal council and yet, no one at all (5). Semhar wept after losing the first Redemption Island challenge despite the recitation of some "calming" poetry (5). But the real story of the episode was the continued craziness of Brandon, who decided to call a tribe meeting after Mikayla asked why in the world he would want her voted off so badly (spoiler alert: it's because he's an insane, sexually repressed religious fanatic) and proceeded to tell her that no one liked her and she was on the outside of a dominant alliance of which he was a part. This caused both Brandon and Mikayla to cry (20 for him, 5 for her) with added points for Brandon being the reason that Mikayla cried (10) and Mikayla curling up into the fetal position while she wept (15). Have I mentioned that I hate that dude?
America's Next Top Model: Finally! A legit photo shoot! Unfortunately, a decent photo shoot with good results make for little to no drama. At least Angelea decided to get into an argument with no one in the limo (5). Bre needed to smize (5). And Bianco decided to cry after having to wear stilts (5). How is an All-Stars cycle so lame?
The Real World: If this premiere was any indication, this season is going to be amazing. Let's do a rundown of the cast members. There's Ashley, the underwear "model" who has so far talked about modeling (15) and how pretty she is, and who went topless in the house in the first episode (20). Priscilla, the 19-year-old whose mom dropped her off at the house after talked to her graphically about having sex on her grandmother's couch. This chick couldn't go out with the rest of the group, so she made out with roomie Nate (5--with an extra 15 for doing it in the first two days). That made her cry (5), but she got over it by showing off her grandparent-purchased fake boobies to the whole house (20). Alexandria rounds out the three-bed girls' room, a seemingly cool chick who's a singer (15) and has a boyfriend who she cried while leaving (5). But those aren't the only girls in the house. Sam, the lesbian whom everyone thought was a boy at first, might be annoying or she might be cool... I'm not sure. I am sure that she was drunk the second night out (7). On the boy side there's Zach, who is really hot and really douchey--and doesn't do anything to earn points. Nate, his brother in bro-hood, hooked up with Priscilla (5--and an extra 15 for doing it in the first two days). But the ultimate creep prize goes to Frank the bisexual creeper who becomes so obsessesed with Alex in the two day that he's met her that he won't allow her to talk to any other men and punches a wall when she politely remind him that she has a boyfriend (10). Hey, if both intentional (20) and unintentional nudity (10) haven't worked, if two nights of being wasted (4 and 8 points respectively), and if crying (20) hasn't made the totally balanced girl fall in love with your crazy ass in two days, why not call home and tell your BFF that no one in the house likes you (5)?
Friday, September 23, 2011
Week 2 Fall Point Totals
There were some major leaps this week and some big falls. One thing's for sure: The Real World is going to turn this all on its tail. Here's the show breakdown:
Survivor: If there were points awarded for being the world's creepiest potential sexual predator, Keepin' It Classy would be killing it. Unfortunately Brandon was only good for using the word alliance three times (15). That was a popular point-getter this week. Coach and Jim each said it once (5) and Keith twice (10). Coach also got unintentional nudity points, as did Mikayla (10 each). But it Brandon's to be believed she was trying to lure him in with her harlot ways. Give it up Hantz, you're a midget and she's a lingere football player. There's no way she would ever be interested in you. And finally, Ozzy found the hidden immunity idol (are they even trying to hide them anymore?!), fetching 25 points for himself.
America's Next Top Model: I still am a little unclear as to the point of this season. They're clearly not operating under the guise of actually being models and now they're "teaching them about branding" by having some vaguely European guy give them each a word with which they should use to determine "every thing that they say and every piece of clothing that they put on." The words are things like "free" and "girlfriend." I just, I don't get it. So this week they had to do a photo shoot where they wore gowns and ate Pinks hotdogs, all while somehow projecting their word. It didn't work out so well for my girl Sheena, who was told by both a contestant and Tyra that she was a "pretty girl but not a model" (20). Bre had a hard time with the pre-photo shoot makeovers (with which Ashlee Simpson [no longer Wentz] was inexplicably involved) and cried (5) before threatening to leave (15). On the other hand, Bianca seemed to be having a fine time with the branding concept, taking the reigns of her "candid" brand and immediately getting into a verbal altercation with anything or anyone she could (5).
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Scary mountain continued. Camille did the seemingly impossible and threw and extravagant party within an extravagant party--who needs three chefs to cook dinner for six women? (10). Lisa dressed Giggy up as Ken trotted around with him at one of their fab restaurants (5). We heard Kim on the other end of a cell phone conversation in which she could barely string together words she was so intoxicated (8). Taylor had an intoxicated evening of her own (5), getting angry without moving her forehead (10) and crying a total of five times! (25)
The Biggest Loser: Look, guys. We all made a major misstep in not drafting more players from this show. These chubbos will cry--regardless of sex--will cry about anything and everything. And that can add up to a lot of points. Becky cried three times (15), and rightfully so, as her father passed away while she was at camp, causing her to dedicate her weight loss to him (10). Vinny cried once (20), Ramon twice (40), Patrick twice (40), Antone four times (80), Debbie twice (10), John once (20) and Jennifer once (5). Clearly, it pays to have an emotional male player. Debbie also got into a verbal altercation, accusing her teammate of putting on the waterworks for sympathy (5). (Lady, everyone's voting you out because you're a lazy complainer.) And finally, Antone fell off of his treadmill (25), proving that he is both emotionally and physically unstable. If we gave points for being both super hot and super scary, new trainer Dolvett would be winning this whole thing.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Week 1 Fall Point Totals
Let's break it down by show:
Survivor: There was plenty of footwear that should never, ever be brought to the beach going on in this mess. Coach, Stacey, Dawn, Semhar, Mikayla, Whitney, Cochran, Brandon, Ozzy, Elise and Christine all showed up in ridic flip flops or dress shoes, netting 15 points each. Dawn threw on the water works three separate times to get herself 15 extra points, Semhar cried twice, getting 10 points. Jim lied (poorly) about his occupation to grab 20 points and Mark claimed that all the young people on his tribe would stick together, not giving him a chance, for 5 points.
**Amended to reflect 5 points for Coach saying "alliance."
ANTM: Andre Leon Talley was not a fan of Bre's photo at panel and she received the dreaded drekitude label, getting herself 5 points. Alexandria cried twice (10 points) when the crowd at live judging booed her and told her that they hated her (harsh much?), and Shannon cried once (5 points) when she was asked to wear underwear that were twice the fabric than the swim suit bottoms she ultimately chose.
RHOBH: Taylor started what I think will be a big trend this season and cried twice for 10 points. Kim and Kyle only cried once each when she talking about their relationship, but it got them each 5 points. Camille's weekend mountain party for the ladies netted 10 points and in fab Lisa fashion, we got a disgusting scene of Ms. Vanderfabulous open-mouth kissing a dressed-up Giggy (5 points).
