We're in the home stretch now and I've finally pulled forward!!!! OMGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (All of those "e"s stand for "eek") So, here's how it happened:
Poyer:
The Challenge: Rivals is over. That is sad news indeed. The good news is that they got
renewed! The even better news if that this year's final challenge was so grueling and sadistic that actual indentured servitude is the only way to go from here! After having to kayak until their arms were going to fall off, run carrying a giant concrete ball, memorize an entire campsite, scale a mountain, replicate said campsite to the exact detail, eat a literal table full of food, puke, eat some more, scale a mountain, stand on a rock all night instead of sleeping, scale another mountain, find a honing device in a pile of rubble, all while remembering that your stipend is only $2,500...
Johnny Bananas and
Tyler won for the boys and
Paula Walnuts and
Ev won for the girls! Poyer got 50 points for Ev's final win. He also got an extra 10 for
Jenn failing, as she does every challenge, and crying twice. Seriously, when will she learn that she's only good at the social game and awful at the actual challenges. Oh, yeah. She did. She's retiring. I shall miss your hair flips and your hand clapping.
Over in
Bachelor Pad land
Michelle Money made out with
Graham (5 points) while he made it totally obvious that, while she's hot as all get-out, he's not sure he's actually interested in her. Girls who look like Michelle Money bear this cross daily. I think it's the lipliner. She did win a challenge though, so she's safe for another week!
Kasey the Frog argued with love-of-his-life
Vienna (5 points) and made up the best way he knows--by singing a song of his native people to his lady love. The choked lilt in his voice and extra mucus he must have had in his nose to give the ditty that extra froggy quality really sold it to me. Vienna, unfortunately, laughed at his attempt at musical career promotion (10 points)... right in his face. And poor, pathetic
Michael is still poor and pathetic. He won a synchronized swimming competition--he is a "professional breakdancer" after all--and went on a sad, pathetic date with his ex-fiancee,
Holley (10 points).
Thank god for
Celebrity Rehab. I had had just about as much crazy as I could handle this week on those other shows. So this program, in which
Bai Ling only cried once (5 points), was a nice break from all of the crazy drama.
Helen:
Not that is was all calm and quiet on that show either.
Survivor alum
Sugar is proving to be a solid last-round pick, cranking out four crying sessions in one episode for a grand total of 20 points.
Bachelor Pad's Vienna picked up 5 points for her side of the Kasey/Vienna argument and another 5 for crying. In a fleeting attempt to stay in the house for just one more week, not that his prestigious careeer as a real-life airplane pilot is hurting at all,
Jake open-mouth kissed
Erica Rose, who is almost certainly no longer definable as a human being. She's got to be, like, 67% plastic, right?
The real points this week came from
The Challenge. I chose three of the final victors, Johnny, Paula and Tyer for 150 points!
Mandi cried when she realized that no matter how white her teeth were or how many guys she hooked up with, her partner was useless (5 points). Maybe next time, little lady.
9:05 AM
Smellin Pooper
