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Smellin Pooper
Showing posts with label Points. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Points. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Week 8 Point Totals
Survivor: Making moves, nerd! After the tribes merged Ozzy sent Cochran over to Coach's tribe to root out info from the enemy. Too bad he got spoiled on all of the not-constantly-insulting-him and respectfully-speaking-to-him-like-an-equal nonsense. Given that once one of the tribe gets picked off he'll be at the bottom of the pack anyway, he decided to turn coat and vote Keith onto Redemption Island. Hooray! In between there was much talk of alliances (15 for Cochran) and a little crying on the part of Dawn (15) when she realized that allowing her tribe's abusive treatment of Cochran all these weeks was nothing short of un-Christian-like.
Real World: Frank has a boyfriend, y'all! They've known each other for all of two days but Frank is in lurve and he's showing it by kissing that boy all over the place (80). Zach and Ashley are grossed out because they are bigots. I am grossed out because it means that Jen just got 80 points. Get it in, Frank, just don't let it count toward my losing this game. All in all though, it was a pretty decent episode. Sam cried a few times at Pride (10), got drunk at the clurb (6) and made out with some tattooed chick (10). Nate launched his charity but still found time to get piss drunk three times for the following score totals: (6) (10) (7). That boy might have a problem.
Biggest Loser: It was an emotional week for the bigguns as they formed new teams. No one wanted to be on Anna's team since she's been doing less than stellar work with the olds but Ramon ended up there, complained, got over it, lost a bunch of weight and then saw "the love of his life" Jessica get sent home. Then he cried (20). John (20) and Sunny (5) also cried, but really, when don't they. Antone got his ass reamed in the gym, getting yelled at by Bob a whole lots (30) and breaking down into exercise tears (20) but dude lost like 17 pounds so I bet he's OK with it.
ANTM: Remember a couple cycles back when Tyra decided she was going to launch a music career and she made the models be her backup dancers. It was awful: The dancing, the music, Tyra and, ultimately, her music career. Well, she's decided that it might be a good idea to let some other tall thin people embarrass themselves by forcing the ladies to write and sing a song, then film a video for it so that it can go viral. Lisa, a "dance music artist" for years, won the song writing challenge by rapping to a music executive and got to see her fiance! He looks pretty normal but she insisted upon wearing sunglasses in their confessional which leads me to believe that he totally brought her some coke or pills or something. At any rate, they totally kissed (5) and did it (25). That's right. DID IT. In less happy news Allison had a hard time with the songwriting challenge, finally deciding to write about her recently deceased father. Then came the bomb that she had to incorporate "Pot Ledom" into the lyrics (Top Model backwards, don't you know?) and she sort of turned into an emotional mess (15). It's OK though, guys, Game fell in love with her at the video shoot. He did not, however, fall in love with Alexandria. He called her the Tin Man and sent her packing. Tears for you, Alexandria (5).
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: When my friends get engaged we go to a bar and take shots. When Lisa Vanderpump's daughter Pandora (that is her real name) gets engaged she has a party in a mansion with camels and secret sex rooms and mermaid women and contortionists and guests who call their husbands Daddy. You know, like you do. Lisa held court over the extravagant party (10), dressed Giggy up (10) and cried for good measure (5). In other storylines Kyle's mother-in-law got a face lift and made me never, ever want to get plastic surgery. Kyle cried (10). Taylor and Russell had a tense ass conversation about a tabloid story about their marriage. Russell thought that Lisa told the story to her pal at the glossy. Taylor cried (5). Kim has a disgusting new boyfriend and continues to gross me out. She kissed him (5) and the producers felt the need to add extra slurping noises (15). Ick.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Week 7 Point Totals
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: After a few weeks of drama due to the Board Game Night From Hell, the ladies are due for some R&R. And what better way to relax than to hire three waiters, four masseuses, an electrolosis machine operator, a facialist and employ more than $300,000 worth of beautification equiptment? In your own home. That's what Lisa did, then invited the other ladies over to enjoy. Needless to say, it was less than relaxing. All of the extravagence caused Kyle to compare her wealth to Adrienne's (10), and Brandi's presense made her argue about the game night (5) and make poor Brandi cry (10). Amazingly enough, Brandi argued (5) and cried twice (10), all without moving her forehead once (10). And I thought Lisa dressing Giggy in clothes at every turn (5) was otherworldly.
Survivor: Big moves were made on the island last week. First Mikayla was defeated by Christine at Redemption Island, shedding a tear as she left (5). Then Ozzy got over his tantrum about Elise being voted out long enough to tell Cochran that he was going to throw himself to the wolves on Redemption Island, hoping to emerge the victor and have his tribe up numbers at the merge. Then Cochran totally blew the challenge, making himself (20) and Dawn (5) cry like babies and Ozzy punch a wall twice (20). After much talk of alliances, the merge and proving oneself (Keith said it once for 5 points), Ozzy had a dream about winning Redemption Island and volunteered himself. What an idiot.
The Biggest Loser: This week the contestants were giving the chance to save everyone on the ranch by losing 100 lbs. collectively. Well, that didn't go so well. I think they hit 40, maybe. Cry count: John (20), Jennifer (20), Ramon (20), Antone (20), Vinny (20), Sunny (10). Jennifer was also a huge baby about having to train with people other than Bob, causing her to get into an argument with Vinny (5 each) and tell people that she wasn't there to make friends (5). Well, after this episode she wasn't there at all. Antone did get to work with Bob though, and even got yelled at by him (15). He also told the crew that he needed to be there (5). But the big story this week was Ramon hooking up with a lady love on campus and netting 10 kissing points.
America's Next Top Model: This show continues to drudge on not doing much of anything. Bianca and Alexandia argued about god knows what (5 points each), and the pair both cried (Bianca twice for 10 and Alex once for 5). That was about all that happened.
The Real World: Look, this week was a comparatively dull one for this crazy ass show. Zach and Ashley were personality-less bigots, but the rest of the house kept their cool most of the time. I would have freaked the fuck out. First, Sam cried when she found out that her friend had gotten into a terrible car accident (5). Then she argued with Zach after he told her that he would "beat the gay out of her." (5 points each. She later cried over it (5) and had a one-sided argument with Frank over what to do about the situation (5). I would have cut the rest of his awful eyebrows off if I were them.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Week 6 Point Totals
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: With the conclusion of the Board Game Night from Hell, the ladies finally decided to wrack up some points. Brandi continued her verbal argument (5) with Kim (5) and Kyle (5), though it was mostly Brandi and Kyle, both of which expressed their anger with nary a inch on their foreheads moving (10 points each). Kyle told Brandi that she ought to get some class (10), to which Brandi responded that everyone there hated her (5). The final straw was Brandi starting to cry (5) after Kyle delivered the final blow by criticizing her parenting skills (10). This was all too much for poor, weak Taylor, who pleaded with the girls to stop fighting before bursting into tears (5). Later, Camille cried because her mother has cancer (5), making everyone else look like a big pile of idiots.
Survivor: Over on Survivor there were a lot of big game moves made (Ozzy is on the outs with his tribe! Mikayla gets voted out! Cochran is finally a game player!), but unfortunately none of that resulted in many points. The "alliance" parade continued, passing the lips of Mikayla, Christine and Cochran once (5 each) and Keith and Ozzy twice (10 each), but that was about it.
America's Next Top Model: Remember when we all thought that an All-Star cycle would provide more drama than ever? Boy, were we wrong. The sole points to come out of this week's episode were delivered by Angelea, who upon receiving the accusation that she was a pretty girl but not a model (5) cried not once, but twice (10). I just, I thought there would be so much more weave pulling.
The Biggest Loser: As the men steel themselves for the long training road ahead, we're seeing much less crying. Only Ramon (40) cried twice, and John (20), Antone (20) and Vinny (20) once. Boo! But the ladies turned up much more whiney performances. Jennifer cried three times when she realized that she was a terribly unlikeable person. But it was Sunny who grabbed up all the points this week, taking Bob home with her to Texas where he screamed at her a whopping seven times (35), made her cry twice (10) and finally broke her to the point of her saying that she "needed to be here" (5).
The Real World: Frank finally broke his reign of terror this week, only having one verbal altercation (5) and one same-sex kiss (10). Priscilla was the one that he had the tiff with after a haircut gone bad (5), and she also cried happy tears (5) that she and her mother had the kind of close relationship where they tell each other about their sex lives and hug hips-to-hip while gazing into one another's eyes. Gross. Alex's boo Byron came to visit, finally garnering her some points after all this time. The couple had two arguments (10), resulting in her crying twice (10). But they kissed three times (15), so she felt OK about the relationship by the time he left. However, this week was really the Nate show. He ate some raw fish while on a boat on the ocean, puking twice (40), then he got piss ass drunk not once, but twice (20), and cried (40) about the five suicides that he's "witnessed". (Somehow I don't think he was actually there for his Great Uncles' passings.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Week 13 Summer Point Totals
Oh suuuuuuure, Poyer just had to catch up at the last minute. And of course it was a fatal last minute Bachelor Pad drafting mistake. I should have never split the power couple of Vienna and Kasey, so as to get twice as many crazy points. This week the duo got into a verbal argument about televised sex (5 points each). It resulted in Kasey threatening to leave (15 points). And finally, in a coital make-up (25 points each). Then Michelle Money won the competition to grab another 10 points. Fifty point spread heading into the finals? Does NOT look good for me.
Week 12 Summer Point Totals
Limping into the finals, kiddos. A few kissing points from Vienna, Frogger and Kirk. Let's hope the finale provides more!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Week 11 Point Totals
We're in the home stretch now and I've finally pulled forward!!!! OMGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (All of those "e"s stand for "eek") So, here's how it happened:
Poyer:
The Challenge: Rivals is over. That is sad news indeed. The good news is that they got renewed! The even better news if that this year's final challenge was so grueling and sadistic that actual indentured servitude is the only way to go from here! After having to kayak until their arms were going to fall off, run carrying a giant concrete ball, memorize an entire campsite, scale a mountain, replicate said campsite to the exact detail, eat a literal table full of food, puke, eat some more, scale a mountain, stand on a rock all night instead of sleeping, scale another mountain, find a honing device in a pile of rubble, all while remembering that your stipend is only $2,500... Johnny Bananas and Tyler won for the boys and Paula Walnuts and Ev won for the girls! Poyer got 50 points for Ev's final win. He also got an extra 10 for Jenn failing, as she does every challenge, and crying twice. Seriously, when will she learn that she's only good at the social game and awful at the actual challenges. Oh, yeah. She did. She's retiring. I shall miss your hair flips and your hand clapping.
Over in Bachelor Pad land Michelle Money made out with Graham (5 points) while he made it totally obvious that, while she's hot as all get-out, he's not sure he's actually interested in her. Girls who look like Michelle Money bear this cross daily. I think it's the lipliner. She did win a challenge though, so she's safe for another week! Kasey the Frog argued with love-of-his-life Vienna (5 points) and made up the best way he knows--by singing a song of his native people to his lady love. The choked lilt in his voice and extra mucus he must have had in his nose to give the ditty that extra froggy quality really sold it to me. Vienna, unfortunately, laughed at his attempt at musical career promotion (10 points)... right in his face. And poor, pathetic Michael is still poor and pathetic. He won a synchronized swimming competition--he is a "professional breakdancer" after all--and went on a sad, pathetic date with his ex-fiancee, Holley (10 points).
Thank god for Celebrity Rehab. I had had just about as much crazy as I could handle this week on those other shows. So this program, in which Bai Ling only cried once (5 points), was a nice break from all of the crazy drama.
Helen:
Not that is was all calm and quiet on that show either. Survivor alum Sugar is proving to be a solid last-round pick, cranking out four crying sessions in one episode for a grand total of 20 points.
Bachelor Pad's Vienna picked up 5 points for her side of the Kasey/Vienna argument and another 5 for crying. In a fleeting attempt to stay in the house for just one more week, not that his prestigious careeer as a real-life airplane pilot is hurting at all, Jake open-mouth kissed Erica Rose, who is almost certainly no longer definable as a human being. She's got to be, like, 67% plastic, right?
The real points this week came from The Challenge. I chose three of the final victors, Johnny, Paula and Tyer for 150 points! Mandi cried when she realized that no matter how white her teeth were or how many guys she hooked up with, her partner was useless (5 points). Maybe next time, little lady.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Week 9 Point Totals
Ohhhhh, we're neck-and-neck coming down the home stretch! Let's look at what went down this week.
Now that The Bachelorette is over, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. But alas, not all goodbyes are so happy. We bid adeiu to Basketball Wives this week, and I have to say that I'm going to miss those sassy broads. Little came our ways in terms of points this week -- just a paltry 5 points to Poyer with Evelyn's umpteenth vebal argument with fiance Chad Ochocinco. Even though they go at it, I think these crazy kids might just make it. Certainly, it will end better than Jennifer Williams' disaster divorce from ex Eric. What kind of a man throws a drink in a woman's face. That was some messed up nonsense right there.
Speaking of dousing a woman in something that ought only be used to quench thirst, shit got crazy over on The Challenge: Rivals. The whole gang packed up and flew to Buenes Aires, where tensions between the house and CT and the house and Cara Maria came to their boiling points. First there was a crazy night out at the club where people who make their money from MTV once again proved the worst possible American ambassadors on Earth. There were hookups galore, a confrontation between CT and what's left of the Big Men on Campus. Then, back at the house, Wes decided that as punishment for being "immature" he would dump an entire two-liter bottle of "cola" on Cara Maria's head. After her initial shock she slinked away to her bedroom where I'm sure she immediately regretted applying as much non-waterproof mascara as she did. But partner and newfound-friend Laurel came to her rescue, not only kicking "ginger" Wes out of their bedroom but blasting anyone in her path with verbal assaults that may have crossed the line but which certainly got the job done. So here's how the (many) points were doled out:
Helen's Team:
Wes sucessfully made Cara cry (25), made out with Mandi in the club (5) and got into an argument with Laurel (5). Paula had a three-way kiss with Mandi and Ev, as well as kissing mainstay Mike for a whopping 15 kissing points, cried after being majorly put in her place by Laurel (5) and unintentionally showed more than she anticipated in what can only be described as a ransacking of the beautiful house these heathens were given to live in (5). As mentioned, Mandi netted points for kissing a couple people (10). Tyler also god naked during the ransacking and got in verbal argument action (5) after Laurel got in his good friend Paula's face. I wish there were extra point awarded for attempting to save a piano from getting doused in "cola" because, boy, would Tyler be raking it in. CT avoided physical blows but participated in the verbal beat down in the club (5) in which Bananas also joined in on (5).
Poyer's Team:
Laurel got into verbal fights with Paula, Wes AND Tyler (15) points, and successfully brought Paula to tears (25). Jenn got her kiss on (10), as did Ev at a slower rate (5).
But the big story this week was the inaugural episode of Bachelor Pad. It was everything that I hoped it would be. After our draft last week, I think that both Poyer and I are happy with our choices. First of all, the trainwreck that is Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi being in the same house is panning out quite nicely. Vienna looks to have been bred for reality television participation and Jake is perhaps even more smug than I have ever seen him! Jake only netted 10 points for winning the challenge this week but Vienna proved to be a fantastic first-round draft, pulling in 10 points for arguments, both in a hot tub (10 extra points), intentional nudity pre-coitus (45). Her partner, guarder and protector of everything holy, Kasey Kahl also got points from said coitus (25) and some points from the argument (5) in the hot tub (5). Michelle Money was a little slow coming out of the gate with only 5 verbal argument points. Something tells me her crazy is going to pay off though.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Week Six Point Totals
Finally, this is a real game! At one time there was a 300-point difference between the competitors and now there are only 100! Here's how this week changed things.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Week Four Point Totals
At this point, Poyer's lead seems almost insurmountable. This lame point week sure didn't help.
Celebrity Rehab started and there were some real winners right out of the gate. No one drafted Amy Fisher, which seems like a big misstep in retrospect. That chick is a hot mess. Michael Lohan knows exactly what he needs to do to get screen time and he did a little crocodile tearing right away. But, it's not the emotion we count, but the eyeball liquid so Poyer got a fat 20 points for male crying. Bai Ling is a cuckoo banana. She cried (twice, eliciting 10 points for Poyer), blessed the rehab facility with a candle ceremony, slinked around like a sad baby cat and crawled onto the mother fucking roof. Sean Young picked up a measly 5 points for crying BUT she seems to be a bit cray cray and might earn some more down the road.
On The Challenge we had a mild week compared to the previous couple. Lauren got 10 points for winning the elimination challenge. C.T. got back to his old, crazy self by screaming (twice-10 points) at Wes at threatening to eat his face. To be fair, CT thought that Wes was threatening to "take butter off of his family's table." Wes retaliated once, earning his own 5 points.
The Bachelorette is taking the week off and Basketball Wives gave us absolutely nothing. Here's hoping that next week is more eventful.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Week 3 Points
Helen managed to forge the gap a bit this week, but she's gonna need a couple more landmark weeks to win the whole shebang. Here's how the week broke down:
The Challenge: Rivals: Most of Helen's points came from The Challenge, and most of those came from franchise player Jasmine. After kissing human piece of bacon Tyrie last night, the pint-sized pixie went all the way in what appeared to be a broom closet. (25 points) She then got into a verbal argument with both Camilla and Theresa, which resulted in a rough chest bump that the commish ruled as a physical altercation (5 points each for the arguments and 25 for the fight). After being pulled away from the argument by Sarah, Jasmine proceeded to punch a reflection of herself and destroy a mirror. Now, I don't think that would have netted any points had this Tweet exchange not taken place:
So there went 50 more points to Helen. Then in the morning, Jasmine got into another argument, thus getting 5 more points. CT and Leroy were pretty drunk when they interrupted Wes and Kenny's meditation session and were unable to read a piece of paper (5 and 10 points respectively). And in The Jungle Wes and Kenny were victorious, winning 10 points each.
The Bachelorette: Pretty lame week if you ask me. Then again, it's a pretty lame show. Only 5 points go to J.P. for open-mouth kissing.
Celebrity Rehab: Perhaps the most irresponsible reality show on television premiered with a whole new pack of wack-jobs. Bai Ling netted only 5 points for crying but she will probably be one of the best aquisitions in the game. Michael Lohan also cried, getting Poyer 20 points because he's a dude.
Basketball Wives: The ladies came to NYC this week and racked up a couple points. Evelyn cried over her father (5), blamed him for her problems (10) and claimed to be classy (5). Tami screamed at her cousin (5), blamed her mother for her behavior (10) and plugged her daughter's singing career, which she manages (20).
