8:57 AM
Smellin Pooper
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Brandi Glanville was introduced this episode, and as we've seen in previews, her presence is going to earn a lot of people a lot of points. Just not this episode. The only person who did drum up any kind of response on the scoreboard was Kyle, who mentioned her charity work (10), threw an extravagant party (10)--even if it was in the back of a mall--compared her wealth to another cast member's (10), and mentioned the Hilton name by referencing niece Paris' perfume (10).
The Biggest Loser: What a house full of cry babies, amirite? This week we got our first food challenge binge. The culprit was mini donuts, and at 30 calories a piece contestants might have gotten away with competing without totally going overboard. Except that John took the opportunity to eat upwards of 1,300 calories worth. That's a whole lotta binge (5). Lucky for Team We Need to Be Here, he cried about it. Twice. (40) Ramon also eeked out a few tears (20), as did Antone (20), who has turned into a veritable crying machine. He's so unstable, in fact, that he took out his emotion after being yelled at by Bob (5) on a poor stationary bike, shaking it so hard that he fell off of it (25) and crashed into poor Sunny, causing her to fall off of her own bike (25). Gosh, Sunny. Maybe that's why you cried twice (10).
Survivor: The island of misfit toys is still providing a steady stream of points from saying the word alliance Ozzy, Keith and Brandon said it once (5 points each)--Brandon while he yelled at Mikayla that she didn't "have much of an alliance at all," basically outing his own. That made Coach (part of the aforementioned alliance) to get all paranoid and say the word twice (10). Before making his trip to Redemption Island, and after running through the jungle in his underwear like a crazed 4-year-old, Papa Bear got into an argument with seemingly everyone at tribal council and yet, no one at all (5). Semhar wept after losing the first Redemption Island challenge despite the recitation of some "calming" poetry (5). But the real story of the episode was the continued craziness of Brandon, who decided to call a tribe meeting after Mikayla asked why in the world he would want her voted off so badly (spoiler alert: it's because he's an insane, sexually repressed religious fanatic) and proceeded to tell her that no one liked her and she was on the outside of a dominant alliance of which he was a part. This caused both Brandon and Mikayla to cry (20 for him, 5 for her) with added points for Brandon being the reason that Mikayla cried (10) and Mikayla curling up into the fetal position while she wept (15). Have I mentioned that I hate that dude?
America's Next Top Model: Finally! A legit photo shoot! Unfortunately, a decent photo shoot with good results make for little to no drama. At least Angelea decided to get into an argument with no one in the limo (5). Bre needed to smize (5). And Bianco decided to cry after having to wear stilts (5). How is an All-Stars cycle so lame?
The Real World: If this premiere was any indication, this season is going to be amazing. Let's do a rundown of the cast members. There's Ashley, the underwear "model" who has so far talked about modeling (15) and how pretty she is, and who went topless in the house in the first episode (20). Priscilla, the 19-year-old whose mom dropped her off at the house after talked to her graphically about having sex on her grandmother's couch. This chick couldn't go out with the rest of the group, so she made out with roomie Nate (5--with an extra 15 for doing it in the first two days). That made her cry (5), but she got over it by showing off her grandparent-purchased fake boobies to the whole house (20). Alexandria rounds out the three-bed girls' room, a seemingly cool chick who's a singer (15) and has a boyfriend who she cried while leaving (5). But those aren't the only girls in the house. Sam, the lesbian whom everyone thought was a boy at first, might be annoying or she might be cool... I'm not sure. I am sure that she was drunk the second night out (7). On the boy side there's Zach, who is really hot and really douchey--and doesn't do anything to earn points. Nate, his brother in bro-hood, hooked up with Priscilla (5--and an extra 15 for doing it in the first two days). But the ultimate creep prize goes to Frank the bisexual creeper who becomes so obsessesed with Alex in the two day that he's met her that he won't allow her to talk to any other men and punches a wall when she politely remind him that she has a boyfriend (10). Hey, if both intentional (20) and unintentional nudity (10) haven't worked, if two nights of being wasted (4 and 8 points respectively), and if crying (20) hasn't made the totally balanced girl fall in love with your crazy ass in two days, why not call home and tell your BFF that no one in the house likes you (5)?
