Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Bachelor Pad Draft

The last step in our summer Reality TV Fantasy Draft was drafting from the summer blockbuster STD-fest Bachelor Pad. We were both given the opportunity to draft three players each. Here's how it all went down:

Round One:


Vienna Girardi: 

Look, I have watched a lot of reality television. And I mean, a LOT. And I think that the televised blow-up between Jake Pavelka and his former reality TV fiance Vienna might be the best thing I have ever seen. Did I mention that he's in the house? And that her current beau, Kasey "Guard and Protect Your Heart/Kermit the Frog" Kahl is there too? Oh yeah, she's a total slutbag who has slept with most of the male Bachelordom population, thus pissing off most of the female Bachelordom population. Get those tears ready, little lady.

Michelle Money:

Poyer is banking on a lot of hookup points from this minx. On her season of The Bachelor (Brad Womack's second go-round) she managed to make absolutely no friends in the house. Now, this could have been from her erratic behavior, the time that she woke up with a mysterious black eye, her constant profession that she wasn't there to make friends, but I happen to think that it's just because she's super foxy and bitches be jealous. She does have that certain something special about her that causes men to slay puppies in order for an opportunity to get near her. Also, cray cray.

Round Two:


Jake Pavelka:

Hoping for double argument points I drafted The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love pilot-of-my-heart Jake. I actually really, really dislike this guy. The little Grinch curl in his lips, the way that he smarms his way into conversations. But hey, he makes for good TV. And he has a lot of beef with people in the house, not to mention that the producers love his particular brand of catering to the format so they'll probably find some way to keep him around. Most importantly though, perhaps, is that he's a bedazzled shrug away from performing at my local DipStix so he seems to feel the need to "romance women" in order to prove that he's totally straight.


Michael Stagliano:

I think this best explains the logic behind Poyer's next draft pick...
Beyond the leather jacket, Michael is in the house with his recently broken-up-with fiance. So, that'll be drams.

Round Three:


Kirk DeWindt: 

I went with the ginger stud himself. Taxidermy and soulessness aside, he seems to have some swag. I think that the ladies will like him enough for hookup points, he's athletic enough to win competitions and he's harmless enough to possibly sail to the end.


Kasey Kahl:

Oh ye, one of the tattoo emabarrassment. Prince of Protection. Your frog voice has spun a million tales of love and loss. If there are points for saying the word protect, I am going to lose this competition. Fuck.


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