Monday, June 13, 2011

Helen's Draft: Well, They're All Trainwrecks But How Many Casualties Will They Provide?

Round 1: I was gifted (cursed?) with the very first pick of the draft. Here's the thing: I get nervous about meeting new janitorial staff in our office. This super important draft pic was a lot for me. I needed a player who could potentially get me points in all of the categories. I chose Paula Walnuts from The Challenge. She's typically emotionally unstable, willing to hook up and gets far in competitions.

Round 2: Poyer chose Kenny Stantucci. Kenny Stantucci would be so proud. I decide to counter by choosing his partner, Wes Bergman, thus canceling out challenge points and (hopefully) getting some fight and hookup points.

Round 3: After Poyer chose Evelyn Lozada, who was my first Basketball Wives choice, I'm pretty bummed out. She's almost as dramatic as her fiancé, Ochocinco. I counter with The Bachelorette's Constantine. Even though I think he looks like the bastard child of Josh Groban and a foot, Ashley seems to like him.

Round 4: Poyer picked up Michael Lohan and now I can't stop picturing him in that mesh shirt. Thanks, Poyer. For obvious reasons I go back to The Challenge and grab CT. The guy is most likely criminally insane. I'm convinced that he's the victim of one of those government experiments where they injected him with something making him into a super soldier. It scares me.

Round 5: Poyer took Laurel. I cry. He thinks she's a mega-bitch. I think we'd be friends. I fight back by snatching up Tami from Basketball Wives. With her reality show pedigree and short fuse I'm sure she'll get me some points.

Round 6: Poyer got Bai Ling. kthxbailing. I'm going for loving-up-on points here. Mandi from The Challenge is young and blonde and loooooooooves boys. Sometimes girls, too! And she tends to get far in challenges. Points! Points! Points!

Round 7: Poyer chose The Bachelorette's J.P. This is the first in a long string of players I wanted that he chooses right before me. I am raging. I choose Sean Young, as she is legit cuckoo and will probably crack under the pressure of Dr. Drew and the cameras.

Round 8: After Poyer picks Basketball Wives' Royce I take The Challenge's Jasmine. Previews show her breaking down, she has a real reason to hate her partner and she has god-awful self-esteem. Get me some points, girl.

 Round 9: If I were picking a Life Team, I would have chosen Leroy first round. Instead, Poyer got him in a somewhat ballsy move. I took Steven Adler. I feel guilty about this decision. I am surely going to hell.

Round 10: So, Poyer takes Jenn. We both have crushes on her, so at least we'll get to post lots of pretty pictures. I pick Tyler from The Challenge. I know I'm going Challenge-heavy but I just know them better. I chose him for his sassiness and ability to man-cry.

 Round 11: Poyer picks Ev and I really regret not picking Ev. This is the last time that I'll accept Poyer taking my next pick so I choose Johnny Bananas before he can get him. Dear, sweet, chubby Bananas. Poyer takes Ryan Park after me. Ugh. Maybe I should have done more Bachelorette?

Round 12: With my last pick I go out on a limb and choose Sugar from Celebrity Rehab. That was probably really dumb. Hoping she comes out of nowhere and pays off. Dr. Drew usually cries at the girls' stories. I really should have chosen Adam from The Challlenge. Poyer chooses Adam next. Boo!


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