Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Two Bachelors Added to Now-Complete 'Bachelor Pad' Cast

And the cast list is finally up! Joining the rest of the crazies on Bachelor Pad  this summer are two rejects from the current season of The Bachelorette, which I like to lovingly call, The Bachelorette: So Boring I Stopped Watching It, Shh Don't Tell.

Anywho, here are the two new guys:

Blake Julian:

This guy managed to be so forgettable that I thought I'd never seen him before. I was seriously like, "Is that the guy in apartment 52? Is he the guy in ad sales who eats Pringles?" Then I remembered that he was one of the few people to make Grant say, "Hell yeah, I would leave too" in the middle of a ridiculously bad reality TV show. After Ashley told the guys about still having unresolved feelings for Bentley for the umpteenth time, Blake had had just about enough. He rode away in a dragon pontoon while the rest of the guys ran to an overlooking balcony, weeping and proclaiming their undying love and adoration. It was awesome.

Ames Brown: 

There are lots of different kinds of douches in the world. There's the former high school athlete douche. There's the trying desperately to appear straight douche. And then there's the Connecticut-born portfolio manager douche. This particular genus isn't usually found in the world of reality TV; these guys don't need money, have localized fame because of their trust funds and have trouble breathing anyplace west of Pennsylvania or anywhere between 14th and 67th street on the Isle of Manhattan. Alas, Ames somehow found himself on The Bachelorette. He was stilted and awkward and got punched the fuck out during that boxing match fight. And finally, he was dumped by Ashley for a lack of sexual chemistry. He may be gay. He may be a ball of wax and platitudes and injectibles sort of molded into something resembling a human being. But he may also be just the right blend of inoffensive and athletic to make in far in the Bachelor Pad house.


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