Friday, September 23, 2011

Week 2 Fall Point Totals

There were some major leaps this week and some big falls. One thing's for sure: The Real World is going to turn this all on its tail. Here's the show breakdown:

Survivor: If there were points awarded for being the world's creepiest potential sexual predator, Keepin' It Classy would be killing it. Unfortunately Brandon was only good for using the word alliance three times (15). That was a popular point-getter this week. Coach and Jim each said it once (5) and Keith twice (10). Coach also got unintentional nudity points, as did Mikayla (10 each). But it Brandon's to be believed she was trying to lure him in with her harlot ways. Give it up Hantz, you're a midget and she's a lingere football player. There's no way she would ever be interested in you. And finally, Ozzy found the hidden immunity idol (are they even trying to hide them anymore?!), fetching 25 points for himself.

America's Next Top Model: I still am a little unclear as to the point of this season. They're clearly not operating under the guise of actually being models and now they're "teaching them about branding" by having some vaguely European guy give them each a word with which they should use to determine "every thing that they say and every piece of clothing that they put on." The words are things like "free" and "girlfriend." I just, I don't get it. So this week they had to do a photo shoot where they wore gowns and ate Pinks hotdogs, all while somehow projecting their word. It didn't work out so well for my girl Sheena, who was told by both a contestant and Tyra that she was a "pretty girl but not a model" (20). Bre had a hard time with the pre-photo shoot makeovers (with which Ashlee Simpson [no longer Wentz] was inexplicably involved) and cried (5) before threatening to leave (15). On the other hand, Bianca seemed to be having a fine time with the branding concept, taking the reigns of her "candid" brand and immediately getting into a verbal altercation with anything or anyone she could (5).

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Scary mountain continued. Camille did the seemingly impossible and threw and extravagant party within an extravagant party--who needs three chefs to cook dinner for six women? (10). Lisa dressed Giggy up as Ken trotted around with him at one of their fab restaurants (5). We heard Kim on the other end of a cell phone conversation in which she could barely string together words she was so intoxicated (8). Taylor had an intoxicated evening of her own (5), getting angry without moving her forehead (10) and crying a total of five times! (25)

The Biggest Loser: Look, guys. We all made a major misstep in not drafting more players from this show. These chubbos will cry--regardless of sex--will cry about anything and everything. And that can add up to a lot of points. Becky cried three times (15), and rightfully so, as her father passed away while she was at camp, causing her to dedicate her weight loss to him (10). Vinny cried once (20), Ramon twice (40), Patrick twice (40), Antone four times (80), Debbie twice (10), John once (20) and Jennifer once (5). Clearly, it pays to have an emotional male player. Debbie also got into a verbal altercation, accusing her teammate of putting on the waterworks for sympathy (5). (Lady, everyone's voting you out because you're a lazy complainer.) And finally, Antone fell off of his treadmill (25), proving that he is both emotionally and physically unstable. If we gave points for being both super hot and super scary, new trainer Dolvett would be winning this whole thing.


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